THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL US

Dax could not help but over hear Major Kira. Her argument with the Cardassian Gul was becoming violent and abusive. Suddenly the screen turned off and Kira's fit hit the first solid thing near her. The console. She returned to her seat at the central Ops console, muttering and cursing low enough so that no one could understand what she was saying.

Dax moved to sit next to Kira. "Sound like you and that Cardassian are good friends."

"What business is it of yours?" Kira snapped, picking up a padd and keying in a few things.

"Just thought I could be of some use to you, as a friend."

"Lieutenant Dax, I'm sure you have work to do."

"Nothing that can't wait ten minutes." Dax looked over to Kira, noticing the padd trembling in her hands.

Kira followed Dax's starting to her hands, noticed them shaking and hid them under the console.

"Lieutenant, if you don't have enough work to do then I'm sure that the sanitation workers would like a break from cleaning public bathrooms."

"Is that a threat Major?" Dax asked calmly.

"Yes it is a threat, and if you don't get back to work that threat will become an action." Kira told her viciously.

Dax did as she was ordered, and got back to her station.

Kira tried to work, but found that she couldn't concentrate and got up, walking down to a lower corner of Ops and out the door that lead to the bathroom. Dax, not giving up, got up and followed after her.

The bathroom seemed empty but movement could be heard from behind one of the cubicle doors.

"Major, hiding in the toilet cubicle will not make the Cardassians go away."

"You don't bloody give up, do you?" Kira yelled from inside.

"Nope," Dax stood just outside the door, trying to talk softly so no-one heard them in Ops. "Look, I can see that something is distressing you. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I thought you were a science office, not a counsellor." Kira muttered.

"I can also be your friend. I've just been torn away from my friends at my last posting. Commander Sisko is Curzon's friend, and the doctor is still a little boy. In case you haven't noticed, you're the only other female senior officer aboard here, and I would like someone I could relate to. I'm sure you know the feeling." Dax began to walk around. "I'd like to get to know you a bit more Major. I might work under you, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends."

The handle on the door began to open. "Will you shut up if I come out?" Kira looked out from behind the door.

Dax smiled and nodded without saying a word.

Slowly Kira came, walking past Dax and sitting down on the bench in the middle of the room.

"I'll warn you now, I have quiet a temper. I have been known to fly off at the slightest thing."

"So I've noticed. It is actually the only thing I really know about you, apart from you militia profile. You really do need to learn to relax a bit more."

"I'm still kinda edgy about this whole situation. Bajor free, Cardassians being ever present, the Federation here now. This is not the Bajor I had been fighting for all my life."

"I guess this is a big change for you." Dax looked over to Kira. "Major, I'm getting a feeling that the Federation could be here longer than you were expecting. I don't want us to be enemies."

"At least being enemies makes life interesting." Kira shyly smiled.

"Do you know how nice you look when you smile?" Kira could feel her face burning with embarrassment. "Do you want to go to Quark's once we're off duty?"

"Yeah, sure, I'd like that."

"Good. Maybe you should leave first so that it looked like it was just a call of nature."

Kira nodded, pulling herself up. "So Quark's once we're off duty." She confirmed.

"I'll see you then."

Kira walked out of the bathroom, a slight spring in her step.

**********************

Kira sat down at the bar in Quarks, knowing that she wouldn't be left long before being served.

"And what can I do for you today Major." Quark asked, oozing up to her.

"Anything strong. I don't care what."

"The day couldn't have been that bad. What's gone wrong?"

"Don't try and be a sympathetic barman Quark. It doesn't suit you. Can I have my drink?"

"Just trying to provide a service." Quark pushed the glass onto the bar in front of Kira and she paid him. "Major, if you want to get drunk I can get you a private table."

"I don't need to get drunk. I just need something to calm my nerves. Busy day."

"Very well, Major." Quark left her alone to serve another customer.

Suddenly a hand gripped her shoulder and she jumped. "Can you save me? The little boy saw me heading this way and I think he's followed." Dax slid into the seat next to Kira. "He'll never leave me alone."

"Bashir annoying you too?" Kira asked.

"He won't leave me alone. I can't remember how many times I've told him I'm not interested." Dax buried her head in her arms on the counter.

"My dear," Quark came up to Dax, "Can I get you a drink?"

"Something strong."

"Same as the Major then." Quark confirmed.

"Do you want to go to a private table?" Dax asked.

Kira shrugged. "I don't mind."

"Bashir might not see us in the corner."

Both immediately got up, taking their drinks and finding a nice secluded table.

"Lieutenant! Major!" a voice called out, pushing through the crowd of people by the bar.

"Oh damn, he found us." Dax cursed, taking a mouthful of her drink to stop her from killing Bashir.

Kira tried her drink too, trying to ignore Bashir. "Quark must be watering his drinks again."

Dax was spluttering on hers. "Swap then. Mines too strong." Dax passed hers to Kira.

She tried it, looking disappointed at the second drink too. "Same stuff. I like mine strong enough to straighten my nose. Or make your spots jump off, I guess."

"Bajoran homemade moonshine then?"

Kira nodded as Bashir came up to them.

"Hello ladies, do you mind if I join you?" Bashir sat down anyway. "And how are you Major? Enjoying life in space? I bet it's a lot different to living on Bajor?"

Bashir paused, and Kira took this time to answer. "No, you can't join us. I'm fine. Yes and it's different." Kira turned back to Dax, putting her back to Bashir. "Do you want something to eat Lieutenant, I haven't had a chance to eat all day."

"I guess I'm getting hungry too." Dax called a waiter over and they ordered dinner. As the waiter left Bashir called out an order too.

Dax looked sufferingly at Kira. She turned to Bashir. "Julian, if you don't mind, I was hoping I could talk to Major Kira. Its kind of a personal problem."

"What kind of problem Major? If it's medical I might be able to help you. I know some people have fears about going to doctors. I myself had similar problems. And I guess some of the technology we have can be rather intimidating."

Their food arrived and Bashir paused to thank the waiter for his meal. "As I was saying..."

Kira turned to Dax. "Why did you tell him that? He's not going to shut up now."

"Sorry," Dax offered. "I thought it would make him leave."

"Didn't work." Kira looked regretfully down at her meal and slowly ate.

"And you wouldn't believe the types of injuries I'm having to treat here. If only some people would just use a little common sense. Last week I had three Bajoran workers from the Cargo Bays in the Infirmary with back strains. Lifting crates that were too heavy for them, and a perfectly good antigrav lift was sitting there untouched. I have a nurse who insists on turning

everything off when she thinks they're not in use. Lights, consoles, medical monitors."

Kira slammed her fork down in disgust. "I'm sorry we're all so backwards Doctor. If you don't like the natives, then go back with your civilized Federation and leave us with our hunting sticks and grass huts." Kira stormed off, and Dax soon followed after her, leaving Bashir wide-mouthed on his own.

"I hope you didn't apologize for me." Kira asked Dax once she'd caught up with her. "Because I meant everything that I said."

"I didn't apologize."

Kira eventually slowed down to a stroll. "So, where do we go?"

"Let's just walk. Get some frustrations out." Dax clasped her hands behind her back, sliding into an even rhythm.

"That's going to be one hell of a long walk then." Kira snorted.

"Frustrated?" Kira nodded. "Like this morning?"

"More angry that I actually had to talk to him. Something to be said for the Resistance, shooting someone can be a lot more effective than negotiation."

"I bet that was a difficult time for you, Kira."

Kira paused, looking at her. "You are the first non-Bajoran to say that. Everyone thinks that it would be exciting. And my given name is Nerys."

Dax nodded. "Nothing is ever exciting about war. I've been through many conflicts before. The Klingons and the Federation would have had to be the worst I've seen for a while."

"When was that?"

"It finished about 90 years ago."

Kira looked at Dax strangely. "How can you remember that? You don't look even 30."

"As Jadzia, I am only 28. However, the Dax symbiont has been living in hosts for over 300 years."

"So you're both 28 and 300?"

"In a way."

They approached an airlock and Dax headed into it, looked out the window at the stars. "Beautiful, aren't they."

"They don't sparkled out here like they do on Bajor."

"That's because of atmosphere. The light is refracted through it, causing their light to shimmer. And because there is no atmosphere surrounding the station, we just see uninterrupted light."

"I never thought that there was an actual reason why, I just thought it happened." Kira stood up close to the window. "Bajor's sun should be coming into view soon." Kira strained her neck, trying to see around the corner.

"You know that there is a time delay with the light. The light you are seeing from some of the stars happened years, maybe even a millennia ago. Bajor's sun takes almost 30 minutes for the light to reach the station." Dax stood behind Kira and carefully lent forward and kissed the back of Kira's outstretched neck. Kira whirled around, looking at Dax and putting her hand on her neck.

"What are you doing?"

Dax looked ashamed. "I was just hopeful."

"Hopeful of what?"

"You're a very strong, masculine woman. I know that war can harden people in ways that most don't want to know about. Especially women who have been interrogated by their captors."

Kira gasped.

"I noticed it today. You weren't shaking from anger after that call."

"Then why did you..." she pulled her hand away, looking at it for something invisible and dropping it by her side.

"I had a feeling that you may prefer the company of women." Kira look down at her feet. "There's not need to hide it from me. I do too." Dax reached out, putting her hand on Kira's arm. "I probably should have talked to you first, instead of making a move like that. I hope I didn't shock you."

"Its okay." Kira murmured. "I just didn't know you liked women."

"Trills, especially joined Trills, are naturally bi-sexual. Although I prefer women more so." Dax looked at Kira, seeing her pull back a bit. "I've seen how you look at men. You shy away from them."

"I didn't realize I did that."

"Do you want to go to my quarters? It feels to formal here."

Kira nodded, letting Dax take her by the hand and lead her on.

In Dax's quarters Kira sat nervously on the couch while Dax fussed around for drinks. "I'm sorry it's such a mess. The rest of my luggage arrived a few days ago. I'm still unpacking."

"I guess it's better than being empty. I arrived here with a small box and a new uniform."

"Material goods don't mean much, they just draw away from the personality." Dax sat down next to Kira. "And I'm guessing that you have a wonderful personality."

Kira backed away from her, drawing in on herself.

"Kira! I'm so sorry. You've probably already got someone. Here's me thinking that you're single just because I am."

Kira shyly looked up. "There's no one. Its just all rather fast for me."

"No-one? Oh," Dax's disappointed face lit up again, "oh, that's good then."

"Why?"

Dax looked at her, studying her face closely. "Because, I'm intrigued by you, I'm in awe of your subtle beauty, and I would really like to get to know more about you than who you are when you're on duty." Dax lent forward, kissing Kira in a way that made her heart rise up in her throat.

Kira blushed red, a small smile creeping into her lips and eyes.

"You're even more beautiful when you smile." Dax moved back. "Are you getting hot? Because I am." She undid the front of her tunic. "I don't think that Chief O'Brien has fixed the environmental controls yet."

"He did that last week."

"Must be me then." Dax smiled wickedly. Slowly she slid her top off, leaving the undershirt for the moment. Kira couldn't help by watch, mesmerized by Dax's body.

"Do you need some help with yours?" Dax purred, leaning into Kira and nibbling along her jaw line while playing with the clasp of her uniform.

"I'm fine. Really."

Dax managed to work it out, ripping apart the front to show the cream undershirt. "That's nice. The Bajoran Militia must have designed the uniform just for you, because no one else looks as good in it as you do."

"Must be."

"Can I give you a kiss again?" Dax asked, looking at the nervous Bajoran. She pushed her mouth up against Kira's, who sat there, unsure of how to react.

Dax pulled away, feeling Kira not responding. "What's wrong?" she asked, putting her hands softly but firmly on Kira's shoulders.

Kira shrunk away, unsure of what to do. "I can't... I don't really..." Dax was leaning so close that her breasts were beginning to touch. Kira reached down, feeling the two hard points of Dax's nipples drawing lines on her chest every time she moved. Cautiously she reached out, cupping them in her hands.

"Hmm, I like that." Dax moaned, reaching out and playing with one of Kira's breasts. Carefully Dax shoved her hands under Kira's undershirt and lifted it up.

"Don't." Kira tried to stop her, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

"Come on, you'll enjoy it." Dax pushed herself up against Kira, kissing her neck. She lightly tickled Kira's side, making her squirm.

Kira wriggled in her arms, beginning to smile from the tickling. "Lieutenant Dax, please."

"Call me Jadzia." Finally Dax managed to get her shirt off.

Kira looked down at her body, embarrassed by the scars. Futilely she tried to cover the worst of them with her hands.

"Don't be embarrassed. I'm sure they aren't as bad as you think. And I'm sure you could get rid of most of them with a dermal regenerator." Dax pulled her top off over her head, throwing it on the ground next to Kira's. "Anyway, I've got scars too." Dax pointed out the thin white line across her middle. "That's the incision they made for the symbiont."

"Yours is a lot neater than mine."

"But I'm sure yours have just as much history and memories behind them as mine."

Kira paused for a minute, then pointed to a faint line running across her bicep, "My first mission. I tripped and caught my shirt on a rusty fence rail and spent five minutes trying to free myself." Dax laughed, Kira joining her. "I didn't realize how deep it went until after the mission. I was an eager kid, desperate for my first mission."

"We all do stupid things when we're young. I got myself into so many scraps when I was young. Climbing trees, crawling around in tunnels, building secret castles."

"I was the tag along kid. With older brothers I was the awkward little sister who insisted on joining her brothers wherever they went. Once they tied me up in a tree to pretend to rescue me, except that my father found me first. As bad as it was back then, I do miss those days."

"I bet you were a handful as a child. I can imagine you as the independent toddler always getting in to trouble and giving your parents many sleepless nights. My fifth child was like that. She grew up to be a dancer."

"You've had children before?"

"Past Dax hosts have. I have so many children, it's hard remembering whose they were. I think Tarra was Audrid's child."

"Sorry, it's easy to forget that you are so much older than me."

"In a way I am, but I'm also just who you see in front of you. A 28 year old Lieutenant in Starfleet."

Kira paused. "That's not going to cause us any problems? You being in Starfleet, and me being your superior officer? Should we really be doing this?"

"Let's just see how we go first." Dax kissed Kira lightly on the lips. This time, instead of pulling away and being unresponsive, Kira melted towards her. Dax moved in, putting her arms around Kira and running her fingers through her hair.

Still kissing, Dax moved, straddling Kira's legs and pinning her to the couch. Kira pulled away, afraid by the leaps and bounds that Dax was moving in. She sat quietly, looking up at Dax while biting her lower lip. "I'm sorry. You just surprised me." Kira wished she could sink down into the

couch, her heart pounding.

"I shouldn't be moving so fast." Dax sat down next to Kira.

"It's just been a while since..." Kira ran her fingers back through her hair. "Whatever you do, just tell me first." Kira ran her hand over Dax's cheek, playing with her hair then undoing the clasp at the back. "You've got such beautiful long hair." Gently Kira pulled it around her shoulders. "It

livens up your whole face."

"Something that I hate about most men, and I'm sure the same goes for Bajoran men, is that they can never see past my two main attributes to get to know the real me."

"Which attributes do you mean?"

"My breasts." Dax pushed her breasts up, forming a fine valley between them.

"They are beautiful attributes though." Kira ran the back of her hand over Dax's smooth skin. "Mine are just like unwanted weights that I carry around with me."

Dax placed her hand on Kira's breast, running her thumb over her nipple. A small wet patch appeared.

Dax looked at Kira questioningly, who looked away ashamed. "Its just milk. It happens every once in a while and I can't stop it."

"What started it? Have you had a baby?"

Kira didn't reply directly to the questioning. "Its been happening occasionally for the last two years since... I can't stop it though. It goes away then starts up again." Kira grabbed her jacket, covering herself.

"Are they sore?"

"A bit."

Dax took Kira's hand, pulling her off the couch. "Come with me. I think I know a rather enjoyable way to relieve a bit of the pressure." Kira followed her into the bedroom. "Sit down on the bed." Carefully Kira say down on the edge of the bed, while Dax threw herself on the other side, leaning up against the headrest. "Sit next to me Nerys."

"What are you going to do?" Carefully she moved back on the bed, kicking her boots off onto the floor.

"Just lie back and relax." Dax undid the bra clasp between her breasts and they spilt out of their restraints. "Tell me if it feels uncomfortable." Kira nodded, looking worried.

Dax lay down on her side next to Kira and took her nipple in her mouth, suckling it carefully.

After getting over the initial shock of what Dax was doing, Kira relaxed. She put her hand on Dax's shoulder, enjoying the feeling of bare skin against her own. The good feeling spread from her breasts, down through her middle, expanding through her stomach, and flaring up in her clitoris. A small orgasm hit, causing her to gasp.

"Wow." Dax exclaimed, sitting up. "You must be really sensitive to touch if I can do that to you."

"I am so sorry." A blush ran up Kira's face. "I don't know what came over me."

"I think I do." Dax smile, taking back the nipple with her mouth and sucking hard. Her hand ran down Kira's belly, undid her trousers waist and quickly into her underpants.

Kira jumped, pulling back out of Dax's grasp. "No, I couldn't..."

"I know. I'm always nervous the first time too. But you look like to need it right now. I don't want to leave you like that." She kissed Kira. "It's okay though. You don't have anything to be worried about." She paused for a second. "This isn't your first time, is it?" Kira shook her head, too nervous to talk.

Quickly Dax whipped off her own trousers, then took off Kira's before she could argue. She pressed her body back up against Kira's, giving her a milky kiss.

Slowly she moved the kiss down her body, taking up her other nipple and suckling, the hand returning to its wandering down Kira's body.

"I'm assuming you've got pretty much the same as me, but you're going to have to tell me what feels good." Her fingers found their way into her underpants, playing with her pubic hair.

"Uh huh." Kira moaned, wrapping her arms around Dax, running her hands over her skin.

Dax found a small nub of skin, making Kira shudder with excitement. "I'm guessing that's your clitoris." Dax smiled, stopping momentarily to quickly slip her underpants off completely.

"Must be." She gasped as Dax returned to playing with her clit, slowly rubbing it with her finger. Torturously slow at first, the intensity exploded within her, consuming her every muscle. The gasping and moaning suddenly turned to a scream in Dax's ear, Kira clawing at her back in

uncontrollable passion. As Kira calmed, Dax took to opportunity to blow her mind once more, inserting her fingers slowly into Kira's moist vagina.

Dax moved for an easier position, filling Kira and slowly moving her fingers inside her.

Kira gasped, struggling for breath. The sharp jagged gasps sounded different, and Dax looked up at Kira. Tears ran down her face, the look of pleasure now replaced by pain.

"Kira, what's wrong?" Slowly she removed herself from her, moving to hold her.

Kira pulled away, struggling to find words. She couldn't, scrambling out of the bed, finding her trousers and jacket. She hurriedly put them on, and ran from the room, leaving Dax sitting half naked in the bed, staring at the door.

Confused, Dax slowly got out of bed. She found her clothes, putting them back on, then gathered up Kira's underwear and boots and putting them in a bag.

"Computer, location of Major Kira?"

"Major Kira is in her quarters, habitat ring, section C, 157."

"What the hell just happened?" She muttered to herself. When she got to Kira's quarters she heard something being thrown and shattering against the wall.

"Computer, emergency override alpha one. Dax authorisation zero seven six."

The door opened and a mug flew at her head, missing Dax only because she ducked.

"Good aim." Dax commented, warily stepping into Kira's almost Spartan quarters and dropping the bag on the ground.

"Go away!" Kira screamed, tears streaming down her face as she picked up another dirty dish and aimed it at Dax, throwing in frustration.

"I've never had this type of reaction with anyone after a first night," Dax moved towards Kira, "But you are an unusual person Kira Nerys."

"Go!" Another plate flew at Dax, contacting her arm and dropping to the ground unbroken.

Dax held her arm, shocked by the pain. "What's got into you Nerys? One minute you're in my bed and we're making love, next you're aiming dirty dishes at me." Dax surveyed the room, finding plates, mugs and utensils everywhere.

"Go away. I can't do this." Kira smashed the plate into the ground, Dax being to close for her to throw any more dishes at her.

Dax tried to hold her and stop her from breaking things, but Kira fought back, kicking and punching with all her strength to keep Dax away from her.

"Nerys stop this." Dax managed to overpower Kira, shoving her up against the wall and pinning her still.

"Don't," Kira whimpered. "Don't hurt me."

"I won't hurt you." Carefully Dax let go, making sure that she wasn't going to be hit again. "Now, tell me what's wrong?"

"Go away. Please. I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"I'm not allowed to." Tears streamed down Kira's face as she said it. "I can't have you."

"Why not? I like you Nerys."

"But its illegal. Two women shouldn't do this."

"Is that Bajoran law?" Kira nodded. "I'm sorry. I was under the impression that you wanted me too."

"I thought it would be different, but its not. It still hurts too much."

"What does?" She looked into Kira's eyes, seeing the fear in them. "Did I hurt you before?" Slowly Dax realized what she was talking about, grabbed Kira in her arms and tried to sooth the quivering woman. "I was right before, what I said in the airlock?" Kira nodded against her chest. "You've been interrogated by the Cardassians, and raped?"

To that Kira burst into tears, uncontrollably sobbing.

**********************

Dax sat with Kira for what seemed like hours of her crying into her chest. Eventually she ran out of energy to cry, breathing in gulps like a child getting over a tantrum.

"Do you have any alcohol?" Dax asked, prying Kira off of her. She motioned to the wall cabinet, where Dax found a stockpile of bottles of various sizes. Dax bought one over, pouring out a drink into the remaining clean glass that had been in the cupboard, but Kira grabbed the bottle from her, chugging straight out of it.

"Is there anything else you'd like?"

"My underwear."

Dax retrieved the bag by the door, handing it to Kira. Quickly she started to re-dress.

"You don't have to put them back on. It's not like we're going anywhere."

Kira looked at Dax, then back at her trousers in her hands. "He ripped my trousers, and my underpants. I was left half naked for days until I was rescued. They use to stare at me in my cell. The dirty Bajoran whore who couldn't dress herself."

"Let me help you to dress then." Dax took the trousers out of Kira's hands, pulling them up over her legs.

Once re-dressed, Kira sat staring at Dax, holding tightly to the drink Dax had since poured into a glass. Dax restrained herself from holding Kira, letting her regain her composure.

"Only one other person ever knew, only because Timani saw it happen." She took another gulp of her drink.

"You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to."

"I like you too Jadzia." Kira whispered shyly. "Timani and I were close, not intimate, but we were close. She was able to help me after it happened, but only because she knew. I haven't been able to let anyone else know."

Dax realized what Kira was trying to say. "Go on then." She put her hand on Kira's but she pulled away.

"Three years ago I was arrested. Me and three others from my resistance cell. They took us to Eli Kebir, one of the old stone monasteries where the Cardassians were using the monk's quarters as jail cells. They'd removed the door to these rooms that were a metre and a half by two, and put in a force field strong enough to knock you out for a few hours. Nothing in them except an open hole leading to the sewage. We were there for almost two weeks. The Cardassians wanted information from the four of us, cell movements, next targets, standard stuff like that. They would leave us tied up for hours, beat us, electrical shocks, taunting us with food. They were beginning to give up on us, Riordan's face was so swollen from beatings that he couldn't talk, he could barely eat. I'd heard the guards telling the prison prefect that it was impossible to get information from us. So the prefect comes down to the cells. I could see Timani's face go white." Kira's voice begun to shake.

"He stopped at my cell, got the guards to deactivate the force field and came in. He just looked me over then told me to remove my trousers. I was too terrified to move, so the guards came in, held me down on the ground and ripped them off. They were too stupid to work out how to undo the clasp."

Dax re-filled Kira's drink, which she had managed to finish quickly.

"The prefect just stood there watching, undid his fly and flopped this knobbly thing out. The guards were smirking, holding me down on the ground and forcing my legs apart. I just closed my eyes and started praying to the Prophets because there was no where I could go, no way to stop him." Kira moved in her seat, her skin crawling from the memory. "Suddenly it felt like

a grenade had gone off between my legs. I felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside. And he just kept pumping away at me, leering at me the whole time. Then when he came, he pushed so hard, I think something broke in me." Kira shivered, emptying the glass again.

"When he left, he said something like 'this one's broken, leave it for a while.' And that the other should be good now. I couldn't move until I heard the door to the cells close. And I've got his cum and my blood running from me. Something on his belt was sharp and my left thigh was gashed open, I've got blood all over me, and I sat by that sewer hole, letting it run down there. Lupaza tried to talk to me from the next cell, but I just cried. Timani said I cried for two days until the rescue party broke us out of there. I had to get carried out." Kira shivered, putting her glass down and falling into Dax's arms. "I think I've cried so much since then I know if I have any tears left."

Dax held Kira tightly to her chest. "Nerys, I am so sorry. If I had had any sort of idea I would never have pressured you to make love tonight."

Kira pulled back slightly, wiping her tear soaked hair out of her face. "I haven't been with anyone since, you were the first."

Tears became to form in Dax's eyes, Kira's pain too much for her.

Kira looked startled. "Jadzia, don't cry. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm sorry if I've overburdened you."

"After seven lives, some things still surprise me. I can't believe you survived that. You're an incredibly strong woman, Kira Nerys."

"I don't think I'm that strong. I drink in excess, I'm still afraid of my own shadow, afraid of men, afraid of someone to make love to me."

"But you did want to tonight?"

"I don't want to be afraid anymore. I've yearned for intimacy for so long but didn't know how, and couldn't with Timani. When you kissed me I realized that this is what I've been looking for, someone who won't hurt me like I have been, someone who could understand the pain and violation I've suffered, someone who wouldn't think of me as damaged goods. It's been a lot for me to take in so suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the emotions that came back."

"I'm sure that this is something that you should think about a bit more. Its not just deciding who to go to bed with, you're breaking laws to do this."

"Jadzia, do you think that you could keep a secret for me?"

"Of course."

"Could you keep us a secret? Because I like you Jadzia, and I like the way you make me feel, and not just what you did for me in bed before."

"I'm use to being rather in the open about who I love, but I could give it a try."

"There are harsh punishments for me if we're found out."

"How come you know?"

"In the resistance, sex was a way of making sure you were still alive. Two men got desperate and a couple of people caught them fucking. Next thing the whole camp knows. I was told that they had been sent to a monastery for re-education."

"And that could happen to you now?"

"I guess so. I'd have to look it up but it's a safe bet that I'd at least be sent away. I know there are many prophetic teachings that say its wrong."

"Nerys, loving a woman is not something you just decide to do. I don't want you to feel like it is your only option because you're afraid of men."

"Its not something that I've never thought about. I wanted to with Timani, but she was so... so Bajoran. I kissed her once, just on the lips and she was ready to go to the authorities."

"I won't tell anyone."

"I just can't understand why you're doing this. You don't owe me anything, you don't have to help me."

"You intrigue me. I didn't realize what I was getting myself in for, but that won't stop me or turn me away from you."

"Thank you. Thank you so much." Kira kissed Dax on the check, Dax wrapping her arms around Kira and holding her close.

Kira yawned. "Do you think you could get me another bottle out of the cupboard? I really need to get drunk right now."

"Before you just needed something to calm you, but drinking in excess is probably the last thing you need right now. It will make you feel remorseful and worse than you already are." Dax gently stroked Kira's hair, holding her close.

"But if I'm lucky I can get to the point where I just pass out and forget things."

"Its just not the best way to deal with your problems."

"Until I find a better way, this one works for me." Shakily Kira stood up to get a second bottle from the cupboard. "Jadzia, what I told you before, the things that happened to me back then, its stuff I try to forget about. But every time I remember it, I feel like it's just happened to me again."

"And I've unwillingly dragged up those memories for you?" Dax jumped up, catching Kira as she wobbled, and lent against the dinner table.

"I think my legs are suddenly drunker than I thought they were."

"That's okay. I'll get the bottle for you. You go and sit down."

Kira stumbled back to the couch, flopping down on it and covering her head with a pillow.

"Nerys, I can't get your replicator to work." Dax lent over her, peering under the pillow.

Kira sat up slowly, taking the bottle from Dax and refilling her glass. "Try kicking it. What did you want?"

"Just a glass. I was going to join you in a small drink." Dax looked around the room again. "Haven't you had your quarters repaired yet? I had everything fixed weeks ago."

"I'm sure the repair crews have more urgent and important things to worry about than my replicator. I can manage."

"I overheard Chief O'Brien saying that they were starting on the unoccupied rooms two days ago. I can mention it to the Chief if you'd like."

"As long as I'm not putting anyone out. If you want a clean glass, there's some on the table that I cleaned yesterday. I hope I didn't throw any at you." Kira looked at her sheepishly.

"I think I just got hit by the dirty ones. I take it that the replicator won't reclaim your dishes either."

"That's how it died. Then I kicked it."

"Learning skills from Chief O'Brien?" Dax laughed, sitting down again and pouring her own drink.

"I'll warn you, that's strong stuff." Kira's warning came too late, as Dax sipped the strong liquor. Her eyes watered and she gasped for breath.

"You're not kidding." She croaked. "Bajoran Moonshine?"

Kira nodded. "We call it Skene. The black market for this stuff use to be quite expensive. Farmers often made it on the side to supplement the little they made with their crops. I've planted half bottles of the stuff all over the Dakur hills. Might go back for them one day."

"Has Doctor Bashir given you a medical to check whether you still have a liver?"

"It will be a warm day on Breen when I let that man give me a medical. And I can't understand why don't you just tell him that you're not interested?"

"You saw him at dinner. I would if I could get a word in, and if he actually listened. I have tried to tell him several times before."

Kira chuckled to herself. "Write it on your spots. He seems rather interested in them." Kira slowly ran her fingers over the spots on Dax's cheek and neck. "I didn't realize they were raised. I can find your spots in the dark."

A tingle ran up Dax's spine. She held onto Kira's fingers, kissing them lightly. "Nerys, now isn't the best time for you to do that to me."

"Why not? I like your spots."

"I might explain that to you when you're sober."

"That's good. Because this has really hit me." Kira sighed, leaning up against Dax. "I cannot believe how nice you smell. You smell like the wind between the trees on a fresh rainy day. I'm sure I don't smell as good."

"What? Doesn't you're sonic shower work either?"

Kira laughed, giving Dax a friendly punch on the arm. "Of course it does. Its just not as refreshing as washing in water. Oh, a soak in the river. Cool water running over you, feeling weightless. You've probably never tried it. Had to wash like that a lot in the resistance. Wash parties. That's what we called them. Groups of us would go down to the river to wash, three or four standing near by with phaser rifles in case the Cardassians turned up. Only ever got caught once. Two Cardassians turn up and Mynah couldn't get out of the water fast enough, and she's hiding in the reeds while these two have a drink from the river. Well they spotted her, I was the next closest, so I hit one of them in the back of head with a rock, and Furel who was meant to be guarding us, hits the other straight in the chest with the rifle." Kira laughed, topping up her drink again. "No one could believe I killed a Cardassian while in the buff." Her mood suddenly turned and she stared remorsefully into her drink. "Wish I'd been able to do that a few years later."

"Killing a Cardassian in the buff wasn't mentioned in your service record."

"A lot of things aren't. I've killed so many times. Most of the time it was explosions, bright red flashes, exhilarating heat, you try not to think of the lives. But some times, I saw their faces. Standing in front of them, with a phaser rifle in my hand. There is a real power when you can feel someone's fear."

"Nerys, don't think about what you've been forced to do in the past. You are so much more than a killer. Think about all you have to offer. All that there is to do now. You were one of the first Bajoran's to see the Celestial Temple."

"Its so beautiful Jadzia. What's it like inside?"

"Its hard to describe. The light and energy that surrounds you. For a moment you forget science and all your training and you can just see the natural beauty of it. Its hard trying to remember what's real, what's not. You read the report, we landed on a planet, but I guess that wasn't real either. I saw this perfect paradise, gardens, scented flowers, and bountiful fruit trees. Ben said he saw a cliff face and a storm. But by the sounds of it, Benjamin is the only one who has spoken to the Wormhole inhabitants."

Kira rested heavily on Dax's arm and she moved, realizing that the alcohol had taken over.

"Guess you're finally out cold." Dax said more to herself than anyone else, after trying to wake her. She lay Kira out on the couch, then went to the bedroom for a blanket. The bed in the middle of the room was buckled and broken, the mattress slashed and stained. In the corner was what Dax assumed was Kira's bed, a pile of blankets, a pillow and the small box she said she

arrived with.

She pondered the box, the life that was contained within it, but left it there for Kira to reveal to her when she was ready.

In the main room, Kira lay sprawled out on the couch, arm hanging off the edge. Dax spread the blanket out over her, kissing her forehead lightly and leaving her to sleep off the alcohol.

*******************************

Dax was already in Ops by the time Kira arrived for her shift. The Major looked no different from any other day, making Dax wonder how many times she had been hung over or drunk on duty.

Dax took her extra coffee down to the Central Ops table, handing it to Kira.

"Thought you could use it this morning."

"What is it?"

"Coffee. I didn't get it with milk or sugar. Strong and black is generally best for a hangover."

"I've never had it before." Cautiously Kira sipped it. "Its very bitter."

"I can get you one with sugar if you like."

"No. No, it's fine." Kira stared down at the mug. "I'm really sorry about anything I might have done last night." She said in a low voice.

"There's no need to apologize. I'm glad you could trust me. It took courage." Dax smiled at her, keeping a respectful distance, but wanting to hold and reassure her in some way.

"I meant once I started really drinking. Some things are a little hazy after that."

"We just talked for a bit more. You passed out halfway through the bottle."

"I thought that's all I did."

"Major, once we're off duty, would you like to have dinner with me? My replicator works, and I just received a box of Trillian sweets from my sister that I'd like to share."

Kira stared down at her mug again, "I've got a few things... I need some time to think first."

"Are you okay? Last night you seemed pretty certain."

"I did a little bit of reading before coming up to Ops, something I thought might be a good idea to check out first."

"And?" Dax encouraged.

"And I have some things to think about first. There are a lot of things I have to consider."

"Do you want to talk about it, maybe when we're off duty?"

"I'll let you know when. Besides, Lieutenant, I think it's about time we got back to work. I have a lot to do today." Kira got up, disposing of the mug in the replicator. Slowly Dax returned to her workstation, watching carefully over Kira.

*******************************

Sisko joined Dax in the upper level of Quarks, who was looking down over the crowded bar.

"I think getting him to stay was one of my better moves." Sisko paused to look over the balcony too.

"Don't think Odo is too pleased with you about it though. He has been sitting there for quite a while. Won't drink anything. Won't leave either."

"Well the Constable's right not trust him. Major Kira gave me a report the other day on Quark's Occupation activities. Seems that he's on your side as long as you pay him, or he can make money out of it. One hand feeding the Resistance, the other hand feeding the Cardassians. How do you trust a man with those loyalties?"

"With latinum Benjamin."

The waiter approached them, both ordering meals.

"Talking of trusting this new crew and station, what do you think of Major Kira?" Sisko pondered.

"She's probably in a similar position to you, doesn't know who to trust or what to make of this new crew."

"You've been able to get to know her. Can you get past her anger?"

"She's not that bad, a little rough and unprepared. I guess when you're use to living day to day, with a phaser in one hand, this can be quite a surprise."

"The Bajoran spirit seems to be a very tough thing."

"Tougher than anyone would believe." Dax mused, thanking the waiter for their meal.

"What do you mean?"

Dax smiled, shaking her head. "Some things should be kept between the walls in which they were told. But just a suggestion, read through those Cardassian reports, but read between the lines. Take it from the point of view of the Bajorans. You might get closer to the truth."

"I know that there were things that happened here that would have most of Cardassia arrested for war crimes. You haven't been to the planet. The devastation on Bajor is unbelievable."

"I've seen war Benjamin. I'd believe it."

"Well whatever you and Major Kira have talked about, I have to thank you for. The last two days were the type I expected to have when I got this commission, not the crazy month we've had. With the Major's temper gone today, Ops ran quietly, no Starfleet officers putting in reports on the undisciplined behaviour of Bajoran Militia members, which I believe are all aimed at her, nothing new broke down..."

"Do you think things breaking down has something to do with Major Kira?"

"Not directly, but the engineers and repair teams have been more relaxed in Ops. They can get their work done in peace."

Dax laughed. "I'm just waiting to see how strong the Ops table is. She's pounded her fist into it so many times, it has to give soon." Dax looked at her old friend, the same person, yet seen through different eyes. "Anyway Ben, what do you think of your station? Its quite a responsibility, this place and all the work you have in front of you." Dax listened, although her

eyes wandered down to the lower level, spying Kira sitting in a quiet corner of the bar, data padd in one hand while shovelling her dinner down so fast, her meal was finished before the steam stopped rising from it.

"...and after we finish I think we should go down to the reactor core, toss in a few phaser grenades and see what that does."

Dax looked back to Sisko. "What was that Benjamin?"

"You weren't listening, Old Man."

"I'm sorry. Just a bit preoccupied."

Sisko laughed loudly. "I cannot believe it. You have been here a month and already you've got your eyes on someone? Who is it?"

"Benjamin? Really! Curzon might have had more women than most, but Jadzia is nothing like that."

"My apologies. Its just that when you... when Curzon said he was preoccupied, it generally meant he had his eye on a lady."

"I'll have to remember not to use that term around you. I'm just concerned over a friend."

"I'm finished eating, and I have a bit of work to catch up on. Why don't you go and talk to your friend. Looks like she could do with some company."

"Thanks Benjamin." She smiled at him as he got up to leave.

She looked back down to Kira who had since ordered a drink. Dax walked down to the lower level, pushing her way through the crowd to the table where Kira had sat. The table was empty except for a glass, a crescent of the Major's lipstick on the side.

"Lieutenant Dax." Bashir's hand clamped on her shoulder, "I cannot believe how much this place has changed. The atmosphere in here is exhilarating."

Dax swore, realising why Kira had gone, and wishing that she were there too.

*******************************

Dax spied Kira sitting on her own in the replimat, a paper book in one hand and a huge plate of noodles in front of her. Dax ordered her lunch and sat down with Kira, making her jump and curse loudly in Bajoran.

"I didn't mean to scare you, but you seem so engrossed in your book."

"Lucky my hands were full. I might have hit you." Kira glared at her, cleaning the food off her top.

"Here, you got yourself with the sauce." Dax reached over with a napkin, blotting at a small mark. "There, you'd never know. Sorry to have scared you Major."

"I didn't realize I was that involved with this."

"What is it?" Dax picked up the book, fingering through the pages. "I'm sorry, I can't read Bajoran." She gave the book back to Kira.

"It's a book of Prophetic interpretations. Vedek Yata, two thousand years ago had many visions of the prophets, he wrote them down as a guide for all."

"What were you reading about?"

Kira flicked open to the page she had been reading. "Do not sow seed where it cannot grow. Do not sow seed too young or too old to be viable, nor on soil that is barren. This will not bear fruit. Do not grow just Yunta vine, or Draci berries, their fruitfulness will be lost."

"I take it that's not meant to be a guide for farmers."

"Most people interpret that as a metaphor about sex?"

"What's the bit about the vines and the berries?"

"They're both berries that need each other to pollinate. Yunta vines cannot pollinate other Yunta vines, and Draci berries cannot pollinate other Draci berries. You need to grow them together."

"And that's some metaphor about men and women."

"Most people interpret it that way."

"And what will the Prophets do if someone doesn't grow their berries together?"

"It doesn't work that way. The prophets don't punish people. But we're told that by not following the Prophets guidance, then Bajor will not grow, its people will suffer, which will please the Par Wraths."

"And that's not a good thing?"

"Quite bad. The thing is that many parts are contradictory. Another Vedek, three hundred years later foretold of the Occupation. One of the prophecies says that to heal wounds we should strive to be the best person we feel we can be. And you know what that means for me."

Dax nodded.

"Then there's the passage that most people think is about non-Bajorans. It says that the pleasure found with someone the same can be greater than one who is different. Its quite open to interpretation, but you can see how it can be interpreted so many different ways."

"Its rather ambiguous. But obviously they can't both be right."

"I know. I just don't know how we can expect to do what's right, when one is contradicting the other."

"I think what you need to find is an inner truth. What's right for others may not be right for you. You said they were just interpretations? See how else they can be interpreted. I'm sure that there are many older women who can't have children who still have sex."

"I'm sure there are." Kira smiled weakly.

"Look, I'll leave you to your interpretations. It seems you still have things to think about. I'll be around when you need me."

"Thank you Lieutenant."

Dax picked up her plate, sitting down at a recently vacated table.

*******************************

While on a lunch break, Dax stopped by the tailor's shop, admiring the work and considering a new outfit for herself. She stopped to look up, seeing Kira striding towards the Bajoran temple. She slowed, talked to the monk by the door, then disappeared inside.

Garek came back out off his storeroom with a new bolt of material.

"That's more like it. Perfect colour." Dax ran her hand over the material, enjoying the softness of the cloth.

"Now you're sure these measurements are correct? My tailors eye tells me that this isn't your size."

"I know. The outfit is for a friend. How soon can it be ready?"

"This is very basic work. End of the day."

"You're services are invaluable Garek. I'll be back after my shift." Dax left, strolling along the promenade. She slowed by the temple, straining her neck to see in.

"Even a non-believer can find the peace and serenity of within." The monk by the door looked to Dax.

"I don't think this is quite the place for me." Dax tried to excuse herself.

"Meditation does not require that one has a certain place, just a place where one can be at ease. I'm sure that your friend will work out the problem in due time."

Dax paused, wondering whether Kira had spoken to the monk. "I might spend a short time here. I think a meditation might help me sort out a few things too. Your prophets won't mind?"

"The prophets welcome strangers, even if they do not believe."

Dax walked inside, feeling the serenity of the inner temple, candles adorning the walls, many surrounding statues. Three Bajoran's sat in the room, one being Kira, and all in quiet prayer.

Dax sat down near Kira, getting comfortable to meditate. With the rush on the station since she had arrive, she hadn't had time to relax and meditate on her own. Thoughts ran through her head, all seeming to come back to the slightly emaciated woman sitting beside her with several lifetimes worth of problems.

Suddenly Dax felt like she was being watched, and slowly opened her eyes.

Kira was sitting, studying her intently. "Funny how you're sitting here with me when I finally come to a decision." Kira said in a soft whisper.

"The monk at the door invited me in. I thought a bit of meditation might clear my head too."

"Has it?"

"It's helped me to see things a lot clearer than they were before."

Kira reached out, putting her hand on Dax's knee. "Would you like to come over this evening for dinner? My quarters have been fixed up, everything works now."

"I would love to." Dax smiled softly.

"I better be off now. I'll see you up in Ops." Kira stood up, bowed, and left.

*******************************

Kira nervously checked her quarters, cleaning anything that needed to be cleaned and neatening everything at least twice.

She wore simple clothes, a shirt unbuttoned down to her cleavage, and loose trousers. She had also added an extra chain to her earring, the one known as the life chain.

The door chimed and Kira jumped to it, arranging her clothes, earring and hair.

Dax stood on the other side with a box in her arms, her tight low cut top making Kira stare a little too long.

"I'm not early am I?" She asked, stepping inside and kissing Kira on the cheek.

"No, not at all."

Dax held out a bottle to Kira. "I thought I should bring something to help the evening along."

"Spring wine? Thank you, but do you really think that we're going to need help? You didn't last time."

"If you can believe it, I'm nervous."

"Well I'm sure I'm going to be able to help this time, now I know what's going on." Kira sat down on the couch and Dax followed. "Do you want dinner now? Chief O'Brien showed me how to access the Bajoran menu through the replicator, and I wanted to make you a Bajoran meal." Kira finally said, her face lighting up at the thought of finally being able to do something for Dax.

"That would be wonderful. I'll leave your gift for later then."

"Gift? You didn't have to get me anything."

"Just a small something I thought you could use, especially now things are a bit more civilized in here."

"You've got me interested now."

Dax handed Kira the larger box wrapped with a ribbon.

Kira opened it, careful not to break the delicate tissue ribbon. A small brown bear sat in the box on a bed of cloth, looking up at Kira. She picked it up, turning it over and looking at it. "What is it? I've never seen a creature like this before."

"It's a teddy bear. Based on a human creature. He's there for comfort, something to hold and hug when you need it. There's more though." She prompted.

Kira carefully propped him up on the coffee table, pulling out the clothes in the box. The soft silky maroon material turned into a shirt with matching trousers.

"They're pyjamas, for wearing to bed." Dax explained, seeing Kira's undecided expression.

"Oh." A slow smile spread across her face. "The material is so soft. I can't accept something so fine."

"You deserve nice things too. It also means you won't have to sleep in you're uniform."

"Thank you Jadzia." She picked up the bear, giving it a hug. "You're right, she does make me feel better."

"I'm so glad you like it." Dax lent forward to give Kira a kiss on the cheek, but Kira caught her, kissing her passionately on the lips.

When Dax broke away she was breathless. "Wow, that was different to last time."

"I'm not so afraid to kiss you now. I've really missed the intimacy of being with someone else and I like the way you make me feel."

"Sounds like you've made a decision?"

"I've been turning this over the my mind, and the more I think about it, the less I seem to care about what Bajor thinks, what some Vedek two thousand years ago interpreted from the Prophets, and basically what anyone else thinks. The only person I should be talking with about this with is you, and I think I know what you think."

Dax smiled, holding Kira's hand. "I'm sure you do know."

"Anyway, I think after all I did in the Resistance, helping to free Bajor, I think I'm owed a little reward. No one else can know though."

"I can play it by your rules. Although I'm sure that most of the Federation people won't care."

"The less people who know, the less who can accidentally tell Bajoran authorities."

"I told myself that if you found that you couldn't do this, then I wouldn't be upset, but I am so happy that you did chose me." Dax gently ran her hand over Kira's cheek.

"I feel as though I've made the right decisions."

"So, how about dinner? I'm famished."

Kira nodded, placing the box on the small coffee table, "Could you bring the wine?" Kira ordered several plates from the replicator, setting them out dinner table.

"It smells wonderful." Dax commented, eyeing the table. "But are you sure we can eat this all?"

"Definitely. I haven't been able to eat this well since... well I haven't."

"Your stomach isn't going to know what to do with all this food. I don't want you getting unwell."

"Its okay, I learnt my lesson last night. I'm so glad I've got my quarters fixed up though. I didn't realize how bad they really were.

"We'll just have to work on making it feel a little more like a home instead of just quarters."

"Give it time, I'm sure it will." Kira smiled shyly at Dax. "I'll serve this for you." She dug the serving ladle into the stew, piling it onto Dax's plate.

"Just a bit at first." Dax warned, afraid by the growing pile of food on her plate.

"Sorry. Still learning about what's a decent sized serving." She handed the plate to Dax, sitting down and looking at the large meal in front of her. "I hope you like it."

"When you've lived as long, and mixed with as many different species as I have you learn to try as many things as possible. Although I've read that Bajoran food is rather mild."

"Each province has its own style, some spicier than others, but, yes, generally it is rather mild." Kira forced herself to eat slowly, watching the pain-staking slowness of Dax.

Dax nodded in approval of the meal. "It's good." Kira felt relieved, relaxing a bit more. "So, do you think people might notice anyway? No matter how careful we are."

"What? Us?"

Dax smiled and nodded. "Benjamin has already commented that you've been calmer this last week than you have since you arrived."

"I guess I'm getting use to the way the Federation does things. A lot of my resistance training hasn't come in use yet and I've got so much to learn."

"Learning to negotiate without a phaser rifle?"

Kira smiled. "Rather a difficult lesson. I've also been a bit preoccupied with things."

Dax laughed, making Kira worried she'd said something wrong.

"Its okay. Just something that Curzon use to say. And something that Benjamin reminded me of at dinner the other day."

"What was it?"

"Curzon, he was always chasing after women. Quite often Benjamin would turn up, innocently try to get me... Curzon to do something else and Curzon would always say 'Not now Benjamin, I'm a bit preoccupied with other things right now.' It meant he has his eye on a woman, or two."

"I guess I was in a way, although I wasn't quite the one who was doing the chasing." Kira took a mouthful of the stew, chewing thoughtfully. "So what is it between you and Commander Sisko?"

"You know that the Dax symbiont has had many hosts?" Kira nodded. "And my previous host was Curzon, who was like a mentor to the young Cadet Sisko. So since I have all of Curzon's memories, I have memories of the friendship between Curzon and Benjamin."

"I would find that quite awkward. Although I have enough trouble imagining you as a man."

"Curzon liked to think he was rather handsome but..." Dax paused looking puzzled for a moment.

"Jadzia, are you okay?"

"Just a random memory from somewhere." Dax forced a smile. "I'm okay though, it just took me by surprise."

"So this sex swapping between hosts, is that why you prefer women?"

"No, I've liked women before I was joined. Although I guess Curzon has helped me to appreciate different aspects of women." Dax looked down at her plate, thinking of something. "You've shared so much of yourself yet you hardly know anything about me, so I'll tell you this. Before I was joined to the Dax symbiont, I'd never been with anyone, male or female."

"Been with? You mean you were a virgin?"

"Its quite unusual on Trill for someone to be in their mid 20's and never been intimate with anyone. Our whole culture has rather liberated ideas towards sex. I was a bit of an oddity."

"I guess I'm the opposite, I used to be a lot less unencumbered than I am these days. Well that was until... you know."

Dax reached out, and held Kira's hand. "I know." Dax looked at Kira, who felt embarrassed by the stare and pulled away to eat her meal again.

Dax toyed with the last few pieces on her plate while Kira almost scraped hers clean.

"That was a beautiful meal Nerys. Thank you for it."

"I'm still not sure if the replicator makes that right, or I've just never had it properly."

"I didn't matter to me. I still liked it."

Dax began stacking the used dishes away, but Kira stopped her. "I can do that." Nervously she packed up the table, putting dishes into the replicator to be reclaimed. "So I guess we should go into the bedroom now."

"Not unless you want to." Dax smiled tenderly at her. "There are more that two people can do than just eat dinner and have sex. Why don't we sit down and talk for a bit?" Dax lead Kira by the arm to the couch, sitting down next to her.

"You'll have to excuse me if I do something wrong. In the Resistance manners and courting were replaced by urgency and lust. I've also never been with an off-worlder."

"Just remember that we don't have to rush things. We can go as slow as you want. We may have different customs, but I'm sure there isn't that much difference between you and me."

"Except those spots, which I recall you were going to tell me something about them."

Dax laughed, "My spots! Yes. Do you remember what you were doing when I told you that?"

Kira ran her fingers lightly over Dax's spots. "I think something like that."

Dax gasped. "Umm... Nerys, they're a Trill erogenous zone."

Kira stopped suddenly, laughing. "I am so sorry. The other night, I was drunk, and making you horny."

"That's okay, I dealt with it afterwards."

"What? You went out and picked someone else up?"

"No. No, by myself. I'd go crazy some days if I didn't masturbate." Kira blushed, looking down at the ground. "Bad word, is it?" Dax put her hand on Kira's arm.

"I was always told that touching yourself for pleasure was dirty. It made you a selfish and unclean person.

"I'm sure that every little kid does it."

"When I lived in the refugee camps, some that were run by the monks, if you got caught they would bind your hands up with padding when you slept."

"And you know from personal experience?" Dax grinned.

Kira nodded and blushed, turning her head away. Dax caught sight of Kira's earring.

"That's different." She commented, fingering the extra chain.

"It's my life chain. It tells who I am."

"That's a wonderful tradition. What does each one mean?"

"That one," Kira held the top one, "is for the Dakur province, where I'm from. This one is for my five siblings. One that says I'm an adult, an initiation celebration we go through at the age of twenty." Kira skipped a small charm. "These two I got recently. One for being in the resistance, and the last for my military service."

Dax looked closely, studying them. "What about this tiny one? You skipped it."

"Its unimportant."

"But I'm curious."

"Do you want another drink? There's still some wine left." Kira got up, getting the two wine glasses.

Dax nodded. "Does it mean that you're no longer a virgin? That you masturbate and are unclean?" She smiled wickedly.

Kira poured out the wine for them. "No."

"Well tell me. I need to know now. What's the big secret?"

Kira put the lid back on the bottle, sitting back down with Dax and handing her the wine. "It means that I've had a baby."

"A baby?"

"A little girl to be precise." Kira stood up to move away but Dax grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.

"You mean to say that you've got a daughter?"

"Had." Kira pulled her arm out of Dax's grasp.

"Oh. She died during the Occupation?" Dax asked softly.

Kira shook her head. "Her father has her." She lent forward, resting her elbows on her knees and looking down at her feet. "She lives on Cardassia."

Dax nodded, then looked confused at what she heard. "Can you just repeat that? You said she's with her father, on Cardassia?"

"That's what I said?"

"Her father lives on Cardassia?"

"Most Cardassians do?" Kira said bitterly.

"So her father is a Cardassian?"

"And my daughter is a phar'ya, a half breed bastard." Kira yelled, getting up and standing by the dinner table, cleaning away any last remains of dinner.

Dax came up behind her, rubbing her hands gently along Kira's arms, kissing the back of her neck.

"It was my fault." Kira shuddered. "I should have had an abortion."

"Was this a result of Eli Kebir?"

Kira nodded. "I was so distressed after it all happened, by the time I realized I was pregnant it was too late to do anything about it. I left my cell and stayed in a monastery until it was born."

"Nerys, lets go and sit down." Quietly Kira turned around and held onto Dax, nuzzling into her chest. "Your daughter is probably better off on Cardassia. You've had such a turbulent life." Dax sat down with Kira at the table.

"Timani didn't leave me alone after her birth. She said she was afraid I might break the baby's neck."

"Why would she think that?"

"Because I said I would."

"Oh Nerys, your own child?" Dax looked at her shocked.

"What was I going to do with a phar'ya? I didn't want a child, especially not to a man who had... who had..."

"Who'd raped you?" Dax finished off.

Kira weakly nodded. "Timani made me go to register her, the Cardassians required that we registered our children, and one of the guards from Eli Kebir was there. Next thing I know there are soldiers surrounding us and he turns up."

"The prison prefect?"

Kira nodded. "Legit Burdek. He looked me over, checked the baby, and said that I was the whore he was with. He gave me a handful of coins, and told me that I had done Cardassia a great service, producing a Cardassian soldier, and took her from my arms while the guards held me back. I returned to my resistance cell two days later."

"You just let her go?"

"What could I do Jadzia? I didn't want her, I couldn't look after her, and nobody on Bajor accepts phar'yas. Anyway, I was better off back fighting the Cardassians instead of helping them."

"I can't believe that no one knew."

"The three that were with me kept it quiet. It was an unspoken rule that what ever happened to another person in interrogation you never spoke about. Everyone knew something was different, they just didn't ask me."

They sat for a bit, Dax holding onto Kira's hand, gently massaging it.

"I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I have never told this to anyone. Not even part of it."

"I guess life has changed so much. I'm sure some day you would have told someone else."

"I think it's that I just feel so comfortable around you." Kira looked at Dax's slender fingers holding her worn, calloused hands. "Come with me, I've got something that I want to show you."

Dax got up and followed Kira to her bedroom.

"Sit down on the bed and make yourself comfortable." Kira picked up a small locked box from underneath her bed and opened the lock with a key. She sat down on the bed next to Dax, sorting through the trinkets kept in the box.

Dax took the jewelled dagger that was on the top, examining the decorative handle and then the blade.

"It was my mothers. She was in the Resistance too, before she had children. Then she used the knife to cook the small amount of food we had. I wasn't allowed to have it until I was eleven." Kira ran her finger along the embedded stones and carvings in the handle.

"When did your... you get it from your mother?" Dax worded carefully.

"My mother died when I was three from malnutrition."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"So am I, but I've grown up without my mother so I'm not use to any other way." Kira took the dagger back from Dax. "But that wasn't what I was going to show you." Kira dug into the box and pulled out a small parcel tied together with string. "This is it." Kira untied it and searched through the photos.

"How old are these?" Dax asked, looking over Kira's shoulder. She pulled out a photo of Kira against a wall with measurements written down the side.

"Cardassian ID photos. We needed an up-to-date one before we could get work. There is another one to go with that." Kira handed Dax the next photo.

"A foetus?" Dax looked back at the first photo. "Oh, I didn't realize that you were pregnant. Now I realize you look about five months pregnant there."

"Five months? Babies are born at five months. I was barely three months pregnant there."

"I guess Bajoran pregnancies are shorter than Trills."

"Must be." Kira handed Dax some more photos. "This is what I wanted to show you."

Dax looked at them, a few with Kira, but all containing a red-haired half Cardassian child.

"That's your daughter?"

Kira nodded, leaning over and touching the photo gently.

"She's a very beautiful girl." Dax put her arm around Kira.

"She is, isn't she?" Kira smiled, resting her head on Dax's shoulder.

"Things may change with Cardassia and Bajor. With the Federation here to mediate, you may get the chance to see your daughter again."

"As long as I don't have to see him. I don't think that I could face him."

"You have some older photo's of her. How did you get them?"

"Just after I arrived here, Quark hands me a box, saying that a trader had given them to him, from a Cardassian contact. Somehow he had known where I was and had them shipped to me. There was a data chip in there too. I've been too afraid to open it. If it's a recording of him, I don't want to see him."

"I can view it for you first if you want, just to check what it is."

"Thank you. I might take you up on that offer." Kira took the photos back from Dax, locking the box and placing it back under her bed. "So that's my life, all wrapped up in a box."

"Just the essentials. Keep things simple." Dax looked at Kira, gently stroking her cheek.

"Its not much to show though. Not compared to you're full quarters and the large packing crates."

"Remember that's seven lives worth of things though. Anyway, I recall a famous politician once saying that 'it's not about the quantity of a life, or how much is hoarded within it, it's the quality and what you do with it that counts.' That was said about the governments plan to knock down an artists commune, very poor living conditions, yet some of the greatest art came out of there. But I think it applies to all people."

"Who said that?"

"A Trill politician, Lela Dax."

"A relative of yours?"

"No, it was me. Several lifetimes ago though."

"Oh, your symbiont."

"I guess it's a bit harder for you to understand this. A joined Trill is essentially two different beings, one with a lifetime of only one hundred years, the other with a lifetime that stretches over a millennia. Its just that when you see me, you don't see two beings, just the host."

Kira shook her head, trying to clear it. "Its rather difficult to grasp. So when I talk to you, who am I talking to?"

"Both Jadzia and Dax."

"And who is talking to me. Is it just Jadzia that answers? Or Dax? Or do you talk about this in your head before answering?"

Dax smiled. "Sometimes both, sometimes just one. All depends on what needs to be said. Although I have to admit that Dax tends to leave the romancing to the hosts."

"Oh." Kira now felt embarrassed for having asked what she felt were stupid questions.

"Don't get embarrassed. Most people don't ask such well thought through questions. Some people still see me as being possessed."

Kira nodded, looking awkwardly at Dax. "So where exactly is the symbiot? That scar you showed me, is it in your belly?"

"Actually sits just under my stomach? Since I've been joined I've only been able to eat small meals." Dax took Kira's hand, lifting her top and resting her hand just above the small scar across her belly. "Its just under there."

Kira concentrated, feeling movement under her hand. "Sorry, it feels more like my dinner gave you indigestion."

"I'll tap your hand three times."

As Dax said, there were three distinct movements under her hand. "That really is... wow."

"I hope I'm not scaring you with any of this. Even the most well traveled people can find this all a little unusual. I don't know of any other sentient species that co-exist like Trills do."

"I've seen so much since I moved here, that I don't question or stare anymore. I just shut-up and if there's anything I need to know, I'm sure I'll be told."

Slowly Dax kicked her shoes off, moving onto the bed and resting against the headboard. "Well you know you don't have to hold back with me. Ask anything you want to." Dax patted the bed beside her, encouraging Kira to sit next to her.

Slowly Kira untied her shoes, placing them neatly in the cupboard before joining Dax on the bed. "I guess I did invite you into the bedroom, so we..."

"Nerys, only if you want to, and only if you feel ready to." Dax pulled Kira back onto the bed, cuddling her in her arms. "So, anything you want to ask?"

"There is one thing." Kira said quietly.

Dax waited for Kira to continue, but she looked hesitant. "What is it?"

"I haven't had much of an education, and there are a lot of things I don't really understand."

"What would you like help with?"

"The wormhole. Can you explain it to me? How it works, why its there, how it was created? The Bajoran explanation sticks with the religious teachings, and the Starfleet reports are too technical for me to understand."

"Of course I can. I'm sure Benjamin will give us a runabout for a few hours, I could take you out there, have a look around."

"I'd like that." Kira smiled, staring softly at Dax.

"One condition thought. You have to teach me about the Prophets." Kira nodded. "I mean, if I'm going to be in a relationship with someone who believes in something that I don't, I want to know what its all about."

Kira blushed and Dax's looked at her questioningly. "I've never really been in anything that could be called a relationship. This is sort of a first for me."

"I guess you're in for a lot of firsts now."

"It's going to make me look like an immature little kid. Getting excited over pyjamas and stuffed toys."

"No, no, it will be a wonderful experience. I've experience most things in life, and if a host hasn't, then the Dax symbiont definitely has through someone else. This might sound greedy of me, but I was hoping in sharing some of those, enjoy some of the things that I take for granted."

"Like sex?"

"There is always something new and exciting about discovering a new body, learning every little nuance, every little crease." Dax ran her fingers over the creases on Kira's nose, running her hand down and slowly undoing the buttons on Kira's shirt.

"Every little spot too." Kira countered, slowly running her hand along the speckled trail and making Dax shudder.

"You're good at that."

"They're very unusual to touch. Its feels so foreign to me, yet I really like them."

"Just don't do it in Ops." Dax grinned, moving closer and kissing Kira on the lips. She held back a bit, letting Kira dictate how fast to move, although she need not have worried.

Kira's fast hands had Dax's top off before she realized it, with abandoned skills and experiences fast coming back to her. Dax grabbed hold of Kira's breast, massaging it with her hand. Quickly Kira wriggled out of her shirt and trousers.

A quick flick of Dax's wrist had Kira's bra undone, Dax slightly disappointed that the lactating had stopped again.

Soon Dax's trousers were pulled off, followed by her underpants. Now naked, Kira ran her hand along the trail of spots over Dax's body, taking extra time with the ones on her breast before traveling down to her hips. Kira paused looking down at the light downy hair between Dax's legs. "Umm...Jadzia."

Dax paused from massaging Kira's breast for a moment. "What's wrong?"

"You know how we were talking about me experiencing a lot of firsts..."

"Oh." A smile spread across Dax's face. She held Kira's hand, directing it down between her legs, helping Kira to find her clitoris, already swollen because of the teasing Kira had given her spots. "Is that what you were unsure of?"

"Uh huh." Slowly Kira played with it, pressing it lightly at first, although Dax's insistent hips ground against her fingers harder. Kira let her tongue trail over Dax's spotted collarbone, experimenting with getting Dax to moan by licking or sucking.

Kira's hand, now slick from Dax's juices, seemed to not even be touching the engorged clit. Dax bit down hard on Kira's shoulder, then let out a scream, holding Kira tightly as she orgasmed.

Kira looked slightly amazed, unsure of what she was doing, but happy to get such a response from Dax.

"I really needed that." Dax thanked Kira, kissing her lips and anywhere on her face that she could reach. "Could you put your fingers inside me?" Dax suggested, her body needing another orgasm, and experience telling her how she needed to get it.

"Inside?" Kira looked uneasy as Dax held her hand, slowly guiding her fingers past the moist lips and into the depths of her.

"Just like that." Dax smiled, thrusting her hips up to meet Kira's hand. The warmth wrapped around Kira's hand, muscles squeezing gently. After getting over the initial discomfort Kira's fingers explored, finding rough patches, sensitive areas, muscles squeezing her hand and the small protrusion of Dax's cervix. She was so caught up in all the different sensations, that Dax

orgasmed twice in quick succession, begging Kira to stop.

"I need a break." Dax gasped, quivering from the exertion. "You're too good."

Kira grinned, feeling overwhelming excitement. "That was amazing. I've never felt anything like that." She whispered into Dax's ear.

"You could have fooled me." Dax, now recovered, rolled Kira over onto her back, slowly kissing her body, concentrating on her breasts.

"Jadzia." Kira called out quietly. Dax stopped and looked up. "I'm still a little scared of this."

"You don't have to be with me. Just tell me to stop and I will. You're in control of what happens to you."

Kira nodded, wrapping her arms around Dax and steeling herself for Dax's fingers.

"Relax Nerys. After your reaction last time, I won't put my fingers inside you. I realize now how that must have upset you."

"I'm sorry Jadzia, I shouldn't..."

Dax silenced her with a kiss, slowly working her hand down Kira's body, massaging her breast and lightly running her hand over Kira's tight stomach, and flattened curly pubic hairs. "Do you want me to stop?" Kira shook her head and Dax snaked her hand lower until she found Kira's throbbing clit. Expertly Dax bought Kira to the point of many small orgasms, leaving her begging for more.

"Nerys, can I go down on you?" Kira, too aroused to think clearly, nodded. "Can I lick your clit?" She further explained. Kira paused for a moment, unsure, but agreed anyway.

Dax lifted Kira to a better position, parting her legs and lying down to inhale the unique smell of Bajoran musk. With her finger she parted Kira's wet lips, watching as juices oozed from her, and her muscles shuddering in anticipation and excitement. Kira jumped as Dax put her tongue between her thighs and began licking her clit, but controlled herself not to ask Dax to stop. Dax's rough tongue licked her slowly, at first just touching, testing her for reaction, then harder, occasionally sucking.

Kira closed her eyes, gripping the bed as new pleasures built up in long forgotten parts of her. For that moment the only thing that mattered centered around what was happening to her clit, Dax's tongue torturing her, the head between her thighs, warm breath blasting into her pubic hair. A tingle slowly began to spread from her groin, moving along her body, reaching out

to her fingers and toes, making every part of her body on fire. Orgasm hit, her body spasming uncontrollably as Dax's tongue explored her inner secrets.

As the pleasure slowly ebbed away, Kira burst into tears, smiling as they ran down her face.

Dax looked up, concerned. "Nerys, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Slowly she crawled up Kira's body, lying next to her.

"Everything is okay Jadzia. I'm okay. I feel so good."

"I'm so glad to hear that." Dax kissed her, Kira inhaling her own musk from Dax's face.

Kira lent up on her elbow, looking at Dax. "Jadzia Dax. I think I'm in love with you. I have never had anyone make me feel so good before. Not just physically, but here too." She held her hand over her heart.

Dax smiled, gently pulling Kira's hair back into place. "I just wanted to make you feel good and know that there is nothing to be afraid of. And besides, you're not bad yourself, especially if this really is only your first time."

"It is. I've never experienced anything like this before." Kira felt embarrassed and cuddled into Dax's arms, resting her head against Dax's breasts. "I was expecting that you would be so different from me. Apart for your spots and you have fur instead of hair between your legs, we're very similar." Kira lightly ran her fingers against Dax's pubic fur, finding the softness of it so unlike her own.

"It is hair Nerys. Although I really appreciate the way yours shows off certain attributes." Dax smiled, gently running her hands over Kira's breast in return.

"I guess that's what your spots do. I can't help but follow them down." Lightly Kira brushed her fingers against them, running a trail down her chest, along her side and hips, before resting on her mound. "Do you want me to make love to you again?" Dax just grinned, kissing Kira sensuously.

It was not the first time, and far from the last time that night, that Kira pushed her fingers deep inside Dax, and making her scream out the name of her new lover.